Our thanks to Nate Ball, a writer for Blue Collar Media Group, who contributed to this article.
How will we be remembered?
This question gets asked by almost everyone at one time or another. For some it’s in a career that spans decades and is riddled with accolades, awards and even acknowledgment.
For most of us, though, it’s the impact that we have on the ones around us—the people who we come in contact with on a daily basis. Perhaps a mentor, a boss, a friend or even a relative, these individuals groom, and shape the person we are, and who hope to become.
Those who have played a sport, or coached one, know those individuals who make a difference. Someone who, each and every time you saw them, greeted you with a smile, a handshake or even a wave.
For the coaches and girls who play or played softball over the last 15 or so years in the Las Vegas valley, that person was Vern Stephens, who most recently was the 16U coach for the Lil Rebels travel ball organization.
Vern lost his battle with pancreatic cancer on Monday of this week (Feb. 8, 2021) and died way too young at age 47. Many from the softball world believe the city of Las Vegas–or the sport overall–may never be the same.
Certainly, those friends he had across the nation in travel ball will never forget him.
Gordie Mark, the 18U head coach of Lil Rebels, remembers how Vern would take him up to coaches he didn’t know and introduce them to him.
“I think the reason people were attracted or drawn to him was just his personality,” Gordie believes. “Not many can make everyone around them feel like he or she is the most important person in the world. We called him ‘The Mayor’ because, at the end of a day (in a tournament), we knew The Mayor had to talk to everyone on the way out and it’s take us about 40-to-45 minutes before we could leave!”
Gordie felt his friend’s love of people stayed with him even to his final days.
“Vern remembered people’s names,” he states. “Even at the end, I’d see him about once a week, and when you started talking softball, he’d be naming kids, who played for who and who went to college where. Vern had such a positive outlook—even in his final days he’d be more worried about how you were doing than himself. He was a selfless human being and would do anything for anybody. Vern would even promote girls of other organizations if it would help them out.”
Coach Vern had a baseball background and started coaching his daughter in rec ball and he and Gordie knew each other about a decade, coaching against each other early on.
“The initial years were respectful, but contentious,” the Lil Rebels coach laughs. “His daughter went to 15U, mine was in second year 14U and we talked about joining forces. Most everyone said it wouldn’t last three months and here we were seven years later still working together.”
Coach Gordie says after Vern’s passing this week he spent three hours with his friend’s daughters, Kayla and Madi, looking at photos, talking and telling stories.
“Vern ran a pretty good practice and when he started meeting coaches, he’d pick their brains about how to do drills and get better. One time, a team wore his girls out with bunts and first-to-third plays so after the game Vern asked the coach if he could sit down and teach him how to defend it.
Greg Borzilleri, Head Coach of Athletics-Mercado/Greg, was friends with Vern for over a decade as the coaches had some competitive games between the lines but became strong friends away from softball.
“I can’t think a specific moment where I met him, but I can’t think of a moment without him,” Greg begins. “When he went into the doctor’s office on September 3rd (2020), he sent me the audio of what the doctor told him (about having cancer) it was heart-breaking.”
“He was so beloved,” the So Cal club coach adds. “Vern is the type of dude if you have a problem with him, you have an internal problem for some reason. Someone who saw my (Facebook) post said, ‘You can tell he truly lived his life.” We were always friends and, as part of my job I’m on the road a lot and there were times me and him would be on the phone talking for an hour about everything but talking about nothing!”
Like many have explained, Coach Vern had a way of making you feel good even if things weren’t going so well.
“He’s the kind of guy that, if you’re getting beat on the field, Vern would come to the fence and when you saw him you’d instantly feel better. Vern is the dude that makes everyone feel better when he’s around them.”
Greg respected his friend for another reason, too: his coaching and development to help his players attain their educational goals.
“There are very few people who don’t have their financial well-being tied into coaching,” the A’s leader explains, “but Vern is one of the those who was in it for the right reasons, who want to see the girls succeed and look them in the eye when they get their diploma and be proud he was a small part of it. Vern was my brother and I would do anything if he would ask… but he never asked.”
https://twitter.com/GregBorzilleri1/status/1358814290749181953
Sean Brashear of the Firecrackers organization based in Southern California was another close coaching friend and says he was also devastated this week.
He wrote on his Facebook page Monday:
“Today is a tough day for all of us in the Softball Community as we have lost truly one of the great people in our sport Vern Stephens. So many of us were lucky to get to know this man who seemingly never had a bad day, always was in a spirit that made you feel better after you were able to see or speak to him.”
“As I have sat thru this morning reading all the great tributes about Vern as well as reflecting on my times of competing against or just hanging out with him, it has made me emotional but has also reminded me of how special of a person Vern was. I am truly lucky and honored to call him my friend.”
“Love you my brother and you will be missed but for sure never forgotten.”
To truly understand the impact Coach Stephens made, Nate Ball—who has two daughters currently playing at Southern Utah University and were products of Vern’s coaching—reached out to some former and current players that remember him fondly.
“The response was overwhelming,” Nate told Extra Inning Softball this week. “Players from across the country were willing to take their time to share an experience, a story, and sometimes just one moment that made them remember Coach Vern.”
“It’s a daunting challenge to paint a picture using only words, especially of someone so colorful and full of life,” Nate continued. “My only regret is that I will not be able to use all of the wonderful stories that I have received. If you would like to see more of them just go to your Facebook or Twitter and search the #VernStephens or #TheStruggleIsReal.”
*** Here are some of the remembrances of Vern and his impact on softball over the last decade-plus:
Vern had an incredible way of relating to young players. Most of the girls who would play for him, grew to love him as a coach, mentor and more importantly a friend.
“When I decided to hang up my cleats, he gave me a huge hug, and reminded me of all the things I had accomplished in my career, he was 100% supportive in my decision, and didn’t assume anything just wished me the best.” Haley Pedersen a former Blast softball player said as she recounted some memories.
Haley wasn’t the only player that had meaningful encounters. Stories that are each individual and different, but similar in their overall message of love and admiration.
Vern spent time as an assistant coach for Arbor View and Coronado High schools in Las Vegas and players spoke fondly of him.
“He was one of the best coaches out there, everyone knew who he was, my sisters and I were lucky to have him at Arbor View.” Bryce Henricksen, a senior at Black Hills State related.
Vern’s impact wasn’t just for the girls he coached, but against the kids he competed against as well.
“He was the rival coach in high school and struck me out on three straight change ups, because he knew my swing,” recounted Shelby Carvalho, now a freshman Binghamton University. “We laughed about it after the game, and he gave me a big hug. He took time to know each and every kid.”
That in itself, is what made Vern so special. He got to know each and every kid in the valley. It wasn’t just softball skills he taught, but fundamental life lessons as well.
“I met Coach Vern at the Silver State Preps (all-star) Games when I was a freshman,” Annie Finch recalls. “Coach Vern, who I had never met, made sure the dugout was fully stocked with my favorite candy (gummy bears) and pizza.”
“In the one inning I pitched, I faced four batters in what should have been three up, three down. I dropped an easy pop up right to me. Nevertheless, no runs scored. Coach Vern met me with his goofy smile and a slice of pizza. Even though he was my coach for one night, he taught me that every person deserves kindness.”
Jessica Nimmo (Carrol College) recalls a similar lesson.
“Vern told me once whatever position you are asked to play, you be the best damn player at that position they’ve ever seen. My whole career I’ve moved around and played almost every position and his words play through my head over and over again.”
“He truly wanted the best for every girl, no matter what team you were on.” Alyssa Sotello remembers.
Lauren Barker, a sophomore third baseman at UNLV, agreed.
“Vern always wanted us all to succeed even if we didn’t play for him. He always checked up on me to tell me how proud he was of my accomplishments.”
Terren Vinson, a four-year starter for Texas Southern, revealed how much the coach meant to her.
“Vern created such an impact in my life, from just believing in me as a player, not just the black girl or the slapper, but seeing me as a person. You can’t spell Vegas softball without ‘VERN.’ ‘V-for Vegas’ and you can’t play softball without something to ‘ERN.’”
Others recall small little things about him, and how he made every girl feel unique.
Maddie Kallfez a freshman at CSN remembered one of the first practices she had when she was six years old.
“I was late to practice one day, and my mom got me chicken nuggets,” she recalls. “I just put them in my sweatshirt because we had to run a lap when we got to practice. Later on, we were taking ground balls and I was at short, and I would take a ball and step to the side and take a nugget out and start eating it.”
“He stopped practice because he was laughing so hard, walked over to me and asked if I was eating chicken nuggets. I nodded and he laughed and told me my new nickname was ‘Chicken Nugget!’ From that day, to the last time I saw him, that’s what he called me every time he saw me. ‘Chicken Nugget.’”
Cash Rodriguez, a javelin thrower at Duke and former softball player, remembers the coach’s compassion.
“His unconditional love for his daughters Kayla and Madi was something to admire and yet, he still had room in his heart for every single one of his athletes,” the collegian explains.”
She describes how she felt when she heard the news last fall about her former coach’s failing health.
“When I found out about his cancer, I was in complete shock,” Cash says. “I felt like there was no way this could be true. Even so, Vern’s outlook never wavered. He assured me, as he did so many, that there was no cause for sadness and everything would be OK.”
Nate Ball adds: “The Lil Rebels coach meant so much to so many that it’s hard to convey, but one of the most touching tributes was the one relayed to me by Southern Utah catcher/outfielder Josey White.”
“Josey had transferred in the summer from Minnesota,” Nate continues, “and had been plagued with injuries. It was so bad that she was ready to hang it up. SUU came along, and she decided to give it one last go because she would at least be closer to home.”
“Immediately,” he relates, “Josey enjoyed her time at SUU as she recalled all the lessons the coach had taught her.”
“The most important thing I learned from Coach Vern was to never settle,” Joey says, “and when I played for him, I felt unstoppable.”
Josey explains she has regained a love for the game and the same special feeling she had when she was young.
“SUU had switched to Easton and it was new glove day,” the athlete begins. “We got to choose what we wanted to put on our gloves and I was hesitant to write in my nickname Vern had given me—nobody else knew it—and I thought it seemed flashy.”
“I typed it out and I felt great about it.”
Without even knowing Coach Vern’s condition, she just knew it seemed important.
“Now every time I put my glove on this season, I’ll be able to read that nickname ‘The Outlaw’ on the side of my glove and remember how important Coach Vern was in my life.”
Tatum Spangler a junior pitcher/outfielder at Kentucky reflected on how she first took the upsetting health news.
“As soon as I found out about the diagnosis during the fall, I was talking to him and said I was praying for him so much. He told me right before our conversation that he became a born again Christian and had a huge God moment. That brought tears to my eyes.”
Tatum tells about the calming feeling she had earlier in the week.
“On February 7, right before practice, I wrote, ‘Never quit being you!!! One of the raddest people I know!” with his initials next to it under the Bible verse I had sent him months earlier. I wanted to play with him in my heart as the season starts in the next couple days. That night, he passed. Now, God has him.”
An interesting twist is happening today (Friday, Feb. 11) as UNLV opens is 2021 season playing against Southern Utah and between the two teams Coach Vern will have coached or impacted nine girls on those rosters as they kick up the dirt with six at SUU and three at UNLV (who have felt his impact on and off the field.
In the midst of the on-going pandemic, few if any fans will be allowed to attend the games this weekend, but all his former players known Vern will be looking down and cheering them on.
From Furman to UNLV, the coach’s impact will be felt all over this country the moment any pitcher toes the rubber and gets ready to deliver.
Nate with his two daughters competing for SSU today, has a unique perspective of how Vern has influenced so many.
“The game itself owes a great deal of gratitude to people like Vern Stephens,” the softball father begins. “Without them, this game wouldn’t be skyrocketing in popularity, without them there would be no college for some of these young women. Without them. the young women of this era, may not know what it’s like to have people believe in them so deeply, that it propels them in everything they do on and off the field.”
“Vern’s impact may never truly be known. He impacted so many people in so many different ways. He convinced many girls to not give up, he inspired others to push themselves to be the best they could. He inspired others to not take life so seriously, and he taught them to just have fun.”
“If a fraction of these young ladies mature and pass this love down to their daughters, sons or even kids they coach, his impact could be in the thousands,” Nate believes. We as a community will never fully know what he has meant to this sport. The next time you take the field, or watch a game take a moment and ponder the people who make this sport great—the coaches, the role models, the players—give thanks to those in your life that have driven you to be great or succeed in life. Tell them thank you. For the game and all of those involved in one way or another.
Thank you, Vern Stephens.”
