Hello, softball world, this is Brentt Eads of Extra Inning Softball.
As I wrote in a column last week titled “Why I’m Going to Be Off the Grid This Week,” my 87-year-old mother suffered a fall on New Year’s Day at her home in Southeastern Ohio and her health quickly began going downhill.
I had a comforting conversation with her the next day, on Sunday, Jan. 2, 2022, that I will always treasure where she told me:
“I love you, but I miss your Dad, my own Mom and Dad, my Brother and my other friends and family who’ve gone before me. I’m at peace and I’m ready to go.”
Tuesday night, she did go… surrounded by family who love her so much. Clara June Eads – my beloved mother – died at 6:35 pm EST on January 11, 2022.
Today, I’m flying back from Ohio to my home in the West and leaving my native Buckeye State as a somber and saddened person but also a more reflective and appreciative one.
I spent the last week with my two brothers, Greg and Blaine, my niece Stacy and my sister-in-law Shari (Blaine’s wife) as we were blessed to spend quality time with our Mom… and together with each other.
Blaine and I sensed that time was drawing to a close with Mom and both he and I made immediate plans to fly back home after she told us a few days after her fall:
“I need to see you one more time.”
When I arrived in the Central Ohio area last Thursday, my mother—when awake, and that was not much—was in extreme pain after the fall in her home, which not only caused a fracture in her neck AND back as well as bleeding on the brain, but also wretched her shoulder, which was causing her more agony than anything.
Over the last week, Mom has been mostly unconscious but there were still some precious moments I will treasure always:
For one, when I first walked into her hospice room last Thursday, Mom was already “mostly not there” due to the bleeding on the brain and the medications, but when she saw me, a light of recognition shown in her eyes. When she saw I was there, she grasped my hands with both of hers and put them to her cheek. I tear up just thinking of that small and simple, but oh-so-powerful and loving gesture.
Also, a few days later after she woke up for one increasingly-rare session, Mom reached for each of us and, bringing us close to her for a hug, simply whispered: “I love you.”
Each day has been difficult as she noticeably declined, but I had to keep reminding myself that it’s what she wanted… to move on and be with her husband and my dad, Jack Eads, who she was with for over 50 years until his passing in 2005.
Admittedly, I was a mess over the first several days in Ohio as the finality of the situation became more apparent. Still, I wouldn’t have traded saying goodbye to my mom for anything.
Many don’t know that I have a musical background—I actually have a Bachelor of Arts in Music—and one of the things I’ll always hold dear to my heart over the last week is being able to play the piano for Mom one last time as she was wheeled out of her room and into the lobby where the piano was.
The doctor said that, with dying patients, all the senses decline except the sense of hearing, which stays strong through the end.
I got to play some of her favorite songs and hymns, from the Beatles “In My Life” to the spiritual hymn “Abide With Me,” and it was the most poignant concert I’ve ever played—simply because I wanted to make it perfect for my Mom. I started off with a Beatles song that perfectly summarizes my feelings for my mom: “And I Love Her.” And I finished with one that was a prayer as much as a song: “God Be With You Til We Meet Again.”
For once, however, music hasn’t been the all-soothing go-to it’s always been in my life. I was surprised to find that listening or playing favorite tunes—which had always been a calming outlet and positive expression of emotions previously—was an increasingly painful exercise as my Mom’s health deteriorated.
Why?
Because anything I played or listened to took me back to how I got into music in the first place: through the loving support and encouragement she gave me. It was, candidly, a hurtful reminder of times gone by that won’t come back, but I’m confident that the sorrowful reminders will someday soon turn into ones of appreciation.
In fact, it already has helped: in the closing hours of her life, as Mom laid in her hospice bed, my family and I played and sang songs that she loved and it was cathartic for us—and, I know, it was helpful for her.
I am, naturally, so very sad at her passing and will have a huge hole in my heart forever (at least until we’re reunited once again), but out of experiences like this come positives as well.
As I mentioned earlier, it was a great opportunity to see loved ones and get together with some I haven’t seen in as many as 10 years.
I got to process my feelings and love for my mother as the week and a half after her accident unfolded. Flying to Ohio for the last week of her life, I got to hold my Mom’s hand, stroke her forehead and hair and tell her how much I loved her. I will always treasure those experiences.
Finally, I was able to see how many wonderful people there are in my life, including many in our wonderful sport of softball.
Without mentioning names, here are just a few examples of the many touching and supportive messages I received:
- Thinking of your mom and you. Prayers and lots of love.
- We just wanted to reach out to let you know you are in our thoughts and prayers.
- (Your situation) is so close to home for me as I take care of my mom and love her dearly. She will pass at some point and reading your article has helped me deal with it as you so graciously expressed. It ain’t easy I am sure. My prayers are with you and your family.
- I was sorry to read about your mom. God bless her and your family and let her legacy live on through everything that you do.
- Continued prayers to you and your family. Hang in there, my friend.
- [from an athlete]: Good evening Mr. Eads. I just wanted to send a note to let you I am thinking about you and your family.
- Just want you to know we are thinking of you & your family during this difficult time.
- My heartfelt thoughts go out to you and your family in regards to your mom’s accident and decline. My mother is 89 and I understand the fear and horrible realization that they will one day pass. Your mom sounds a lot like mine. Let’s hear it for the Strong WOMEN of their generation that raised us.
- So sorry about your loss… our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Your Mom left a legacy… may God bless her and (may you) celebrate her life.
Thank you so much, everyone, for making this inevitable but still gut-wrenching experience one that I will look upon in the years to come as not a negative, but a positive… not a curse, but a blessing.
Less than 24 hours after my Mom’s passing, I am surprised at how I’m doing better than I thought I would have—and I personally attribute that to all the prayers and well-wishes I’ve received. My complete gratitude to everyone who has taken the time to wish me and my family well.
One last story: just a few hours before my Mother passed, our family took a break and went to get Chinese food at a nearby restaurant. I got a fortune cookie with my meal and when I opened it, the “fortune” was one I needed to read:
“Things are turning for the bright side.”
I’m sure they are and will… as the cliché goes, one door closes and another opens. I will forever miss my Mom but know she’s in a better place and my task is to work hard to continue to honor her memory and spirit.
Finally, in my mother’s Bible, we found this statement which, when someone passed, she had posted as a positive reminder to herself…. it read:
… Grieve not
nor speak of me with tears
but laugh and talk of me
as if I were beside you…
I loved you so —
’twas Heaven here with you.
Nothing could summarize my feelings any better.
To everyone reading this, I love and appreciate you all and look forward to getting back into what I enjoy most—taking the focus off of me and my family and putting it once again where it’s most satisfying… on the wonderful athletes, coaches and teams that make up our sport.
Love,
Brentt Eads, Extra Inning Softball President & Publisher
Email: brentt.eads@extrainningsoftball.com
