The Top 15 Softball Stories of 2022: #9… Mental & Emotional Health Pressures Lead to Anxiety, Depression & Even Suicides in Young Athletes
BY Julie Jones
March 4, 2024
The heightened pressures that come with sports today continues to add anxiety and stress to young athletes who are trying to win and please everyone in a realm where every game finishes with one side losing.
We continue our list of the Top 15 Softball Stories of 2021, which will run through December 31st when we’ll present our No. 1 story of the year.
Here are the previous stories (clink on link to read):
Also, on New Year’s Day 2023, we’ll list all 15 of the top stories of the year as well as run 15 more that were considered.
We’ve surveyed the softball community and talked internally as well to come up with what were the most impactful and relevant stories of the year pertaining to the world of fastpitch softball.
Where applicable, we are providing the text to the original articles and/or references when the story first happened.
To provide comments, insights or thoughts, email: [email protected].
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Today’s Story of the Year: #9:
Mental & Health Pressures Lead to Anxiety, Depression—Even Suicides—of Young Athletes
In the realm of sports, there will be winners… and losers. It’s an inherent part of the game, but the consequences can be heavy.
As we noted in an article earlier this week, “among college students, 29.1 percent have been diagnosed with anxiety and 23.6 percent have been diagnosed with depression (NCHA, 2021).”
Recently, someone asked me what I thought of softball continuing to grow; my response was simple: there are good and bad things in growth, especially when the spotlight gets brighter and the stakes are higher. So too can grow the stress, pressure, anxiety, self-doubt and worse…
The consequences off the field can be nightmarish.
Two years ago, I wrote these words (Oct. 14, 2020):
Three-sport athlete Jo’Vianni “Jo” Smith of Bear Creek (Calif.) died Friday, April 3, 2020.
In the years I’ve covered softball, there must be more than 15-20 similar stories like these, including four suicides alone this year.
As a parent, my heart aches for this young athlete’s family, who undoubtedly is in shock and disbelief right now. I’ve been touched by this horrible situation several times in my life, having friends and family members who have tried to end their lives. Some did so.
My thoughts here are solely my own and I don’t profess to offer expertise in this area, only to say that it has impacted my life too.
Emotional and mental struggles can be—and frequently are—as powerful as physical ones. One of my very best friends when I was growing up in Ohio had two older brothers we idolized, but because of depression and reasons no one can fully understand, both died by suicide.
Has it gotten better?
In some ways, yes, but one life lost, one player racked with emotional or mental pain, is one too many. In that light, we are still hearing of tragedies, so the work—especially the awareness—of the symptoms and issues are more important than ever to recognize.
If you, or anyone you know, is struggling with thoughts of self-harm, please use or share this information:
Heartbreaking News as Club Player Reportedly Dies by Suicide… We Revisit Jessi Warren’s Thoughts on Mental Health Awareness for Student-Athletes
Originally published March 31, 2022, on Extra Inning Softball
Mental health issues impact so many: stats show that 1 in 5 people in the world have a mental health condition at some point and for athletes it is even more at 1 in 3. Photo by Emma Simpson.
We learned last night that a talented player in one of the top club programs in the country, a seemingly happy and vibrant person who appeared to have a bright future on and off the playing fields as she had signed to play college softball, has reportedly died by suicide.
Someone close to the program reached out and told us:
“We are devastated here, she was a great kid… no one knew she was struggling.”
Just three weeks ago, we published a powerful piece by former college and pro star Jessi Warren as she detailed her own struggles with depression and anxiety and how that’s impacted her life.
We re-run this article if only to remind us that young people, too, are struggling with the pressures of the world and oftentimes need care and support, in whatever form that may be.
May be open up our eyes–and our hearts–and be more aware of those who are struggling and do whatever is in our power to prevent these terrible tragedies from continuing. Our thoughts and prayers go out to all involved in this specific incidence and to all those troubled to the point of considering this path.
Here is the number for The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255); more information is available at the bottom of Jessi’s article…
— Brentt Eads, Extra Inning Softball
This May Be the Most Important Article You’ll Read All Week: Jessi Warren on Mental Health Awareness for Student-Athletes
Originally published March 9, 2022, on Extra Inning Softball
Katie Meyer helped Stanford win a soccer title in 2019. Photo: Stanford Athletics.
Jessi Warren has quite the softball resume: All-American third baseman for the National Championship-winning Florida State Seminoles (2018) and a professional player with the USSSA Pride and in Athletes Unlimited.
But as great as her athletic successes have been between the lines, she is candid that she had her struggles off the field too:
“I have dealt with depression and anxiety due to the pressure of life and athletics in the past,” she admits. “I still deal with anxiety to this day and I hope talking about this may help someone… it may make someone feel heard and seen.”
Just this week, we saw once again that this is an ongoing tragedy as 22-year-old Stanford soccer goalie Katie Meyer was confirmed by her parents to have died from suicide.
May we all be sensitive to this with those around us; here are Jessi’s poignant thoughts on this very important topic…
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After seeing/hearing about so many deaths by suicide, I wanted to touch on a subject that I take very seriously: mental health.
A crucial question we need to ask ourselves in the sports world is this one: “Why is mental health not being taken as seriously as that of the physical health of an athlete?”
Stats show that 1 in 5 people in the world are living with a mental health condition at some point in their lives and to narrow down even more, 1 in 3 athletes suffer from a mental health condition.
That is about 35% of the athletic population.
Jessi, seen here in 2018, believes “an athlete’s mental and emotional health is ignored too often.” Photo: FSU.
People handle pressure and its symptoms with therapy, medication, meditation and exercising and those are helpful. Having been a student-athlete, I know first-hand how we certainly have all kinds of pressure on us—pressure to perform in games, in the classroom, in our daily lives, etc.
Being a student-athlete at the college level carries with it the expectation of maintaining good grades on top of going to practice and succeeding in competitions.
On the physical side, when athletes get hurt—such as pulling a hamstring, spraining an ankle, fracturing a wrist or whatever it is that forces one to the sidelines—that athlete receives time to heal.
We can often see the impacts of the physical injury, having an understanding of what it is and why that specific athlete is taking time to recover.
But what happens when those injuries aren’t visible? When they’re not physical but more mental and/or emotional-based?
When are people going to start allowing athletes to step away to take care of their health on the inside… when it’s not just a physical injury?
I think an athlete’s mental and emotional health is ignored too often, simply because can’t see or evaluate these mental injuries from machines as easily like we can a broken bone or a pulled muscle.
Depression and anxiety are REAL and can be life-impacting, even life threatening… and something needs to change.
I can be speaking for many athletes, or I can be speaking for myself, but as an athlete we carry a persona in the public eye.
The public oftentimes sees us and thinks we can power through anything and that we are able to push through obstacles most can’t because we are built different. Our successful accomplishments on the field of competition are praised and celebrated and we can be assumed to be accomplished because we’re “Superhuman.”
No! That needs to stop! We athletes are HUMAN… we are PEOPLE first and foremost.
Just because we can be fearless warriors–strong, and unstoppable in the public’s eyes–does not mean we are immune to stress and the real-life problems we may deal with outside our sport.
From personal experience, I know asking for help from people can be hard.
I suffer from a GAD (general anxiety disorder) as well as a panic disorder and ADHD (attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder).
People think just because we are athletes and carry this demeanor of “toughness” around, we should be able to get through whatever it is we are dealing with or thrown at us and that we don’t really need help from people.
Being an athlete, trying to balance school requirements, family and friend relationships and the workload needed to excel in your sport, brings with it a lot of stress. Most may not know to what levels, but we DO deal with more than the public knows.
Many of us athletes hold ourselves to our own high standards and when we don’t feel like we’ve been successful or are satisfied with the goals we set for ourselves, we tend to overthink, to stress and to put added pressure on ourselves.
The physical, athletic performance then can be affected by the athlete’s mental and emotional health as the mind becomes focused on other things, confidence decreases and then the pressure to perform and “prove” to people you don’t “suck” increases.
People who are on the outside looking in, who don’t experience an athlete’s individual personal daily life, can’t understand it. Again, they think it’s as simple as just figuring it out on our own, but sometimes that’s not enough and the outside world lacks awareness of what is really going on.
Great care is given to physical issues in athletics, but many mental and emotional difficulties are left untreated or, when brought out into the open, aren’t treated on the same level of seriousness.
Sadly—and sometimes tragically in the competitive sports world of today–it can be that when an athlete takes the time to focus on his or her mental health, they are considered not dedicated, weak or a quitter.
People are always saying to us as athletes “prioritize your mental health,” “do this” or “do that,” but then, too often, they don’t have our backs and provide the support needed. When we may take that crucial time to heal, we can be criticized and it gives mixed signals.
I feel the key to fixing this is to allow athletes to be vulnerable without judgment. We must open conversations to acknowledge the feelings that are happening inside an athlete’s head.
I admit that I do struggle daily with my mental health. I talk to a therapist and am still trying to figure ME out, trying to understand why my brain works the way it does, and— although that may make me different in some ways—trying to accept that and know that THAT’S OK!
Statistics show that Suicide is the #2 cause of death among college students and that one-third have depression issues.
It’s OK if I wake up some mornings feeling sad; it’s okay if I wake up some mornings overly excited about nothing in particular.
People may never understand how MY brain works, but that’s OK!
Just remember that, when it comes to helping others, a little gesture can go a long way.
To all the parents with kids who are becoming athletes or are already in athletics, take a step back from yelling at them after a bad game (sorry to break it to you, but those tough games do happen, and they will happen a lot in the athletic career).
Here are several things I recommend parents due to help their athletes:
Encourage your child to talk to you,
Give them a safe space to be open with you, with no judgment while you have an open mind and a listening ear,
Try to focus on understanding them and where they are coming from or what they are feeling,
Allow them to have a voice and make sure they feel that you care and that they are being heard.
That’s something I lacked as a child: I never felt that I had a safe place, to be open and talk about things. I wasn’t close with my father, and I was never open with my mother and, to this day, I am still learning how to navigate a lot…
… but the difference is that I now have that safe space, where I can be open and be me. I have friends who will drop what they’re doing and come have lunch with me or talk to me.
Be that person for someone!
If you’re wondering what you can do to help or how to get help, here is a list of things I believe are important to do for your mental health:
Talk about your feelings
It can help deal with times when you feel troubled
Stay active
Exercising can boost your self-esteem and increase dopamine and endorphins.
Eat well
Our brains need a good mix of nutrients to stay functioning just like our organs.
Keep in touch
Call people, write them a letter…keep lines of communication open, spread love.
Take a break
A change of scenery is always good for you, give yourself some ‘me-time’.
Accept who you are
We are all different, and it’s so much healthier to accept who you are then to try and wish yourself into someone you’ll never be.
ASK FOR HELP:
Nobody in this world is a superhuman. We have feelings and all feel tired or overwhelmed by how we are feelings. If things become too much, ask for help. Friends and family may be able to offer help and if not, there are local services around everyone that would love to help.
Remember too these five very important truths:
YOU ARE ENOUGH.
YOU ARE LOVED.
YOU ARE WORTHY.
YOU ARE DESERVING OF LIFE.
YOU MATTER!!!
— Jessi Warren, Extra Inning Softball
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Inside Pitch: Softball Great Jessie Warren Reveals That “In My Battles with Anxiety & Depression… There Was a Point When I No Longer Wanted to Be Here”
Originally published May 3, 2022, on Extra Inning Softball
Jessie Warren celebrates after winning Game 2 to help her Florida State Seminoles capture the 2018 NCAA DI National Championship. The former All-American reveals that, even during those times, she would cry daily because of her mental and emotional struggles.
Extra Inning Softball contributor Jessie Warren, the All-American infielder for the 2018 National Champion Florida State Seminoles, has been at the highest echelons in the sport.
Her famous spectacular diving catch in the clip below was voted as the ESPN SportsCenter #1 Play of the Day:
Jessie has also been a two-time Cowles Cup champion in the National Pro Fastpitch league (2018, ’19) and also will be playing for the Women’s Professional Fastpitch (WPF) league this year also.
Jessie as she looked playing for the USSSA Pride pro team in 2019.
She has checked the box on pretty much every level of play in the sport and, from the outside, the athlete seems to have lived the dream life—successful on every level, a champion and a star player.
But as we all struggle, Jessie opens up in today’s blog about the terrible struggles with anxiety and depression she’s battled with most of her live.
As she explained in her previous first-person Inside Pitch for Extra Inning Softball:
“I have dealt with depression and anxiety and wanting to take my life due to the pressure of life and athletics in the past. I still deal with anxiety to this day and I hope talking about this may help someone… it may make someone feel heard and seen.”
With the third collegiate suicide in the last month or two still leaving the sports world stunned and wondering how these issues can be addressed, Jessie goes into greater detail here on her inner struggles to, hopefully, help those in similar situations find the help that will turn their lives around.
Note: some of the experiences Jessie went through and describes below may be disturbing to some readers… discretion is advised.
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Panic Attacks
My journey with my mental health began my sophomore year of high school.
I was unaware of what was happening with me psychologically, but it was bad. All the years of feeling abandoned from my childhood surfaced and hit me like a train.
I remember beginning to have panic attacks that would keep me from school, for weeks at a time and all I wanted to do was sleep because, when I would sleep, there was no fear: the fear coming from the panic attacks, the fear of feeling like I was dying and the out-of-body experiences I was dealing with.
To put it into perspective, the panic attacks start with chest palpitations when my heart is feeling as if it’s beating super-fast and about to explode out of my chest.
Then, suddenly, I feel as if I can’t breathe… I get very dizzy, things start moving in slow motion and my heart feels as if it’s starting to not want to beat at all. My body goes completely numb and I lose hearing.
It’s by far the scariest thing I’ve experienced.
I’m a very honest person, so I want to share my complete story and with that comes my past use of drugs. I tried leaning onto them in high school to help with the anxiety, but my anxiety became worse when I would take them and almost made me feel as if I needed to run in front of a car to feel alive.
It was scary, feeling the way I felt and feeling so helpless with no one to go to.
I never talked to anyone about what I was experiencing and I would miss weeks of school at a time because I just didn’t want to deal with the anxiety of having to sit in class and pretend that everything was OK.
With time, things became better and the anxiety subsided. The panic attacks wouldn’t happen as often… until I got to college and things actually became worse.
Problems in College
I thought I could mask it with athletics, but as a very successful athlete, I had the pressure to perform and be successful and everything started spinning out of control.
At one point, I found out I had a labrum tear in my shoulder, which for the longest time hurt me so bad and I would always sublux when I hit (meaning my shoulder would come out of place).
Despite the smiles and joy of the 2018 season in Tallahassee, Jessie says she was suffering in silence. Photo: Seminoles.com.
The doctor told me I needed surgery, but from the things I experienced in high school—how I felt while taking certain things—I began to get anxiety about the surgery and how I would feel on the anesthesia.
I eventually opted out of surgery and decided to play through my injury. Ultimately, things kind of seemed to be going in the right direction.
The thing about anxiety, however, is it creeps up on you so quickly and unexpectedly, the immediate feeling of being overwhelmed times 100 eventually led to more panic attacks for me.
I cried almost every single day of my college career having to deal with this anxiety.
I began seeing a therapist twice a week, and, eventually, was asked if I wanted to be medicated. I was told I would be taking Xanax, but knew from past experiences that was something I didn’t want to be put on—it is addicting–and I wanted to cope with my anxiety in a natural way (although sometimes that doesn’t help, either).
I went to a doctor and it was suggested I be put on birth control to see if balancing out my hormones would help, so I started taking birth control medication.
I began to get counseling but seeing and talking to the therapist I was going to almost felt like it made things worse, only because she was making me relive my past which I didn’t want to do.
However, that was a key part of my healing process and talking about those things eventually would help me… but at the time I didn’t see that.
In a Black Cloud
Eventually, I stopped going to my counselor, thinking things were getting even worse by seeing her. I felt like I was living two completely different lives: my normal everyday anxiety/panic life and my softball life.
After a while, softball was my outlet for my anxiety and, when I would be on the field, I would never have any type of anxiety. I remember most games I would just beg internally for them to go into extra innings because, the second I would step off the field, the panic and anxiety would come back in and take over.
I often felt I was a walking in a black cloud.
I didn’t want to be around people because I felt I was just making everyone sad all the time with how I was feeling and what I was experiencing so I would either be home or playing softball.
I remember trying to explain myself to people and they just laughed and said that it wasn’t real. That made me feel so alone with what I was dealing with that I feel I never really got to experience college as much as I would have liked.
Occasionally, on my good days, I would go hang and have fun with the girls, but most days looked different, with me in my room and in bed trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I would ask myself: “Why am I different from everyone else?” and “Why am I the only one going through this?”
Now, looking back, the reality is that many other people were probably experiencing the same exact thing as me, but in a different way… and also trying to hide it.
I made it through college and hit the real world, and guess what? When I thought things couldn’t get any worse… they did!
Pros… & On My Own
Living on your own, managing finances by yourself, paying bills, finding a job, creating your own routine and schedule… all these things were taken care of in college and then, suddenly, thrown on me.
It was a lotto deal with.
I began harming myself and, in 2019, there was a point when I no longer wanted to be here because I was dealing with a lot internally.
There were multiple occasions where I would get in my car and start driving toward the Skyway Bridge in St. Petersburg, Florida, just wanting to feel free of fear and pain.
I felt as if a big black raining cloud was following me around 24/7 no matter where I went—it was so emotionally and mentally draining.
Today, Jessie gives back to the sport by mentoring young players, like Gaby Mizelle, here at the Select 30 Camp.
I remember quitting the job I was working mid-day. I just felt like it was too overwhelming to pretend to be this happy person around people and trying to maintain this image of a happy person that I wasn’t on social media, to hide all these secrets and pain for the public eye…
… because I’m Jessie Warren.
I was pretending to be this amazing happy super star athlete that’s got her life together and is such an amazing athlete that wins all these awards, and plays softball so well. For the longest time that’s who I THOUGHT I was, but I wasn’t living up to those expectations of my fans and audience anymore at the professional level.
I just felt so consumed and I couldn’t deal with the faking anymore. I remember texting one of the employees at USSSA and telling her I needed to go home and see someone, and I thank God for their understanding and helping hand in getting me the help I needed.
Not Alone
So here I am here today, now in 2022, feeling happier and continuing to figure out how to manage and deal with my anxiety. I was diagnosed with a panic disorder and general anxiety disorder, and I’m OK with telling the world!
I struggle and have my days, but those “bad” days are no longer the days I use to experience alone; today, I have people in my corner.
Also, I no longer want to deal with this on my own and I don’t have to struggle in silence. Most importantly, if this is something you deal with, then neither do you!
It’s okay to not be okay, but what’s NOT okay, is being alone and feeling like you’re under water. I’m learning that I have people in my corner that want to help, but you just must reach out and talk too.
Don’t be silent anymore… reach out and get the help you so deserve.
Each of us should be able to live a beautiful and fulfilling life.
— Jessie
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Inside Pitch: 2024 Extra Elite 100 Outfielder Raegan Wall Shares Her Thoughts on Mental Health
Originally published May 9, 2022, on Extra Inning Softball
Raegan Wall (#2) gives a high five to her high school teammate Haley McDaniel. The two help support each other in good times and bad.
It’s been a terrible last few months in college sports with four athletes known to have lost their lives to suicide.
The latest was just last week when a Southern University cheerleader posted on Instagram that she would be ending her life shortly before she was found unresponsive last Thursday.
Arlana Millar of Southern University took her life last week.
“In her final post on Instagram, (Arlana) Millar wrote about her mental health struggles and history of suicidal thoughts. She wrote about her sufferings in this past year alone with Covid-19, tearing her anterior cruciate ligament (ACL) and failing school.”
There is no doubt that there is increasing “concern about the mounting pressure on student athletes in the United States” and emotional and mental health is being watched ever more closely.
Recently, we were made aware of a social media post by softball standout Raegan Wall, a sophomore outfielder from Hazel Green, Alabama, who shared her thoughts on mental health with some positive suggestions and, with her permission, are running below her post with minor edits to fit our Extra Inning Softball format.
By way of background, Raegan was honored last August as the #76 ranked player in the 2024 Extra Elite 100 after helping her Hazel Green High team win the Alabama 6A State championship as a freshman in the spring of 2021.
This year, she’s had a tremendous sophomore campaign for the Lady Trojans including setting her school’s single season steals record of 26 more than a month ago (she currently is 31-for-31 and could increase that mark as Hazel Green’s record is 33-10-2 heading into Regionals tomorrow).
Raegan Wall of Hazel Green (Alabama) High smiles after setting her school single season steals record at 27 (she now has 30).
As of today, Raegan has a .520 batting average with a .550 on-base percentage and has scored 50 runs. She only has nine strikeouts in 140 at-bats and is on track to break a couple more school records even though she missed four games with a minor injury.
Raegan played soccer until she was 10 when, according to her mother, Brittany Wall:
“Her father begged her to try a fall season of softball and that was the end of soccer! She eats, sleeps and breathes softball and, if she’s not practicing with her high school team, she’s in a lesson somewhere. She also helps her dad with his 12U team where if she’s not helping, she’s watching softball!”
Justin Kaplan, the head coach of the Birmingham Thunderbolts 06 travel ball team, picked up the speedy outfielder last Fall and comments:
“Raegan is one of the hardest working kids I have ever coached and is an incredible teammate. She works relentlessly and has grown leaps and bounds as a player over the last couple of years. Raegan is developing into one of the premier outfielders in her class and, off the field, she works hard in school and is a great friend and teammate.”
Here are Raegan’s thoughts on mental health and how we can all help each other…
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May is Mental Health Awareness Month although, certainly, mental health should be considered every single day of the year.
Mental health is just as important as the physical health of our bodies, especially for us athletes and influences so much: how we act, how we speak, how we look and the way we think about ourselves.
Raegan goes all out to make a diving catch near the outfield fence.
Mental health can be affected by anything and—although it’s not worried about as much as it should be—all it takes is encouraging words from a loved one or even someone you don’t know to lift your spirits.
It’s okay to be upset and it’s okay to not be happy, but what is NOT okay is to not have someone to talk to about your feelings.
There is no shame in seeking help… IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU WEAK TO TALK ABOUT THE WAY YOU FEEL!
Many people, especially athletes, deal with this all-year round and there are so many areas of life that can get someone down such as:
thinking you have to be perfect at your sport
… or be perfect in the classroom
practicing outside of practice
getting home late from a big game and having to study for a big test the next day
college and recruiting
dealing with people who openly show how much they dislike you
struggling with making sure all of your teammates like you
TIME MANAGEMENT!
All of these can affect a person so much more than he or she knows.
Raegan Wall (left) with Hazel Green (Alabama) High teammate Mackenzie Bowling.
Good examples of this are two of my high school softball teammates. Mackenzie Bowling (#5) and Haley McDaniel (#17).
Mackenzie hits right behind me in the Hazel Green High lineup and I can’t explain how many times this season I’ve gone up to her, or she’s gone up to me, and said, “Tell me I got this. Encourage me!”
Raegan Wall helmet with the helmet sticker paying tribute to JMU catcher Lauren Bernett who died by suicide.
Not once have we failed to have each other’s back in the mental aspect of this game.
Haley is a senior, my throwing partner, and my best friend. Every time I come back to the dugout, she’s always the first to high-five me and tell me: “Good job!” She is always cheering for me the loudest in the dugout and I’m always cheering the loudest for her.
These two girls just offering words of encouragement play a big role in my game. This is all it takes for me: one high-five, one “Nobody better!” or one “You’ve got this, we believe in you, believe in yourself!”
Always be a person that someone can talk to about their feelings. It may not seem like a big deal, but it can change someone’s life completely.
Raegan Wall
Hazel Green (Alabama) High
Class of 2024
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“I Am, I Play”… Why These 4 Words—& This Movement—Is So Important for Softball (& Female Sports) Right Now
Originally published July 19, 2022, on Extra Inning Softball
Players, and even entire teams like the Tennessee Mojo – Lewis squad pictured here, is promoting the movement
This is Brentt Eads of Extra Inning Softball.
As softball continues to grow internally and externally—more TV viewers, more interest in international, college, club, high school, youth—there’s a negative side too.
I’ve seen it up close and, perhaps, as we shine the line on these wonderful athletes and this awesome sport, I have to stop sometimes and ask myself, as the sign in my Dad’s basement office asked: “Am I Part of the Solution, Or Am I Part of the Problem?”
The problem, as it’s being addressed here, is the emotional health of our softball players.
I like to think that our focus on covering softball is to bring recognition and appreciation to the athletes, the coaches, the game, but I’ve seen that as the sport gets bigger with more ESPN games, Fox broadcast, live-streaming at all ages and division, that softball is also growing in the stressful mentality of win NOW, perform NOW, get it done NOW… or you’re benched as a player, perhaps even cut, and, if a coach, you’re sent packing if the results don’t come sooner than later.
Katie Meyer, the National Championship-winning goalie for Stanford, died by suicide according to her parents. Photo-Stanford Athletics.
Higher ratings, more visibility and increased money equals higher expectations and tighter windows of time to win… and more pressure, including that which is self-imposed and self-induced, can lead to tragic, even lethal, consequences.
In March, Stanford goalie Katie Meyer, who won a National Championship for the Cardinal, died by suicide and, around the same time, a club softball player took her life (we chose to not go into the details and specifics).
Then, in late April, the softball world was further stunned when James Madison University catcher Lauren Bernett died by what was eventually ruled as a suicide and, shortly after, the Dukes cancelled the rest of their softball season.
Within the span of a few weeks, five college athletes had died this way.
Extra Inning Softball correspondent Jessi Warren shared the stat that about 35% of the athletic population suffers from a mental health condition. She admitted that she suffers from a general anxiety disorder as well as a panic disorder and ADHD (attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder).
In a sincere and powerful statement, Jessi wrote in an Inside Pitch article that: “In my battles with anxiety & depression, there was a point when I no longer wanted to be here.”
The former Florida State national champion third baseman added:
“I have dealt with depression and anxiety and wanting to take my life due to the pressure of life and athletics in the past. I still deal with anxiety to this day and I hope talking about this may help someone… it may make someone feel heard and seen.”
Powerful stuff, and praise to Jessi, who’s won at the highest levels of the game, for being so forthright in sharing her past struggles.
“What can we do to help?” I’ve often wondered. “How can we help turn this tide that is impacting so many?
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Ambassador Abbey Smith
About a week ago (July 10th to be exact), I received an email from current Auburn outfielder Abbey Smith, a former Extra Elite 100 outfielder (Top 40 in the 2021 class) from Texas who was also a High School All-American.
I’ve long covered the speedster who also ran track at a high level and I admired her athletic abilities but also her maturity off the field.
Abbey Smith is one of the 19 ambassadors for the “I Am, I Play” movement.
Thus, I dropped everything I was doing the moment I saw Abbey’s text, sent unsolicited, regarding a strong message to her generation of athletes… here’s what she wrote:
“This past year the athletic community was rocked. We lost athletes due to an unknown burden that was weighing them down. Lex Hull-Muncher started a movement stating: “Stats Do Not Define Me!”
“As an ambassador, I want to help spread the word that athletic performance does not define your worth! From young girls or boys starting their sports to men and women playing at the highest level, mental health can be an issue.”
“We need to spread the word: athletes, make your mental health a priority. Talk about what is going on in your life! Whether it is academic, social, athletic demands or expectations placed on you by family, friends, coaches, teammates, society- tell someone. Keep talking until someone listens. You are not alone.”
“Athletes listen to your teammates. Pay attention if a teammate seems a little “off.” Encourage them to talk. Know possible signs that someone might need a mental health check which include: sleeplessness, change in eating, moodiness, lack of energy. Don’t dismiss or belittle their concerns.”
“College athletics needs to make mental health a priority and have readily available mental health support. Mental health support needs to be easily accessible to college athletes. University teams should create peer to peer mental health support groups among athletic teams and provide time for check ins. “As a college athlete we need to do more than just wear a ribbon in our hair on game day. We need to take responsibility to help each other every day. Together we can change the stigma of mental health.”
Having long known Abbey, I was impressed and also intrigued, writing her back to tell me more about this “movement.”
She responded:
“As a college athlete, the deaths of several college athletes hit close to home. There is an overwhelming amount of pressure on and off the field to perform. Balancing a full college course load with practice and workouts is difficult and stressful.”
“In addition, you spend an enormous amount of time with a team of girls that are all competing for a few active spots on the team and it can create a toxic environment. My first year adjusting to the expectations was stressful and I can understand how, in the moment, an athlete could let themselves be overtaken by events around them.”
The I Am, I Play movement began after the tragic death of Lauren Bernett in the spring.
“The movement started after softball player Lauren Bernett from James Madison died in April. My Auburn softball team wore blue and purple ribbons during the first game of the Georgia series in honor of mental health awareness.”
“Shortly after this Lex contacted former members of Tennessee Mojo 202—she was the assistant coach on Tennessee Mojo 2021 which I played on—to serve as ambassadors and help spread the word. Lex said she was starting a project.”
“During the summer we each received a shirt to wear to spread the word and to be confident that we were more than just the game. Lex asked us to be ambassadors for the message and share via our social media accounts.”
And “What was the message,” I asked? “What was this movement?” “And what were these ‘ambassadors’ taking to social media to share?”
The answer was sent to me by photo: two strong statements on t-shirts printed in white lettering on the black cotton contrasting shirts:
I Am, I Play
and
My Athletic Performance Does Not Define My Worth
*****
Turning “Our Mess into a Message”
Lex Hull-Muncher, founder of the movement, wearing one of the shirts that says My athletic performance does not define my worth.”
Intrigued, I asked for more and Abbey responded to my question asking what the goal of this program was established for:
“’I Am, I Play’” was founded with one goal in mind: providing a platform for student-athletes to have a voice on mental health awareness. Mental health is currently one of the most spoken about topics but least addressed.”
“Together we can turn our mess into a message that can inspire others. We are no longer allowing our Mental Health to be labeled as a weakness. We deserve better and it will start by us coming together.”
Whoa. Turning “our mess into a message” to inspire? And what did this mean by “us coming together?” I wondered.
I soon found out that 19 prominent athletes have already signed on to be ambassadors and representatives who were “also part of the support group that can be assigned at any time an individual or group to mentor and share their truth.”
Of the early reps who agreed to be part of the movement, 13 of them had played for the Mojo – Cherry travel ball team that was led by Brooks Cherry and of which Lex Hull-Mucher was an assistant recently.
Impressive, I thought, that more than a dozen former players must have liked and trusted their former coach to become part of this positive marketing campaign for mental health.
Riley Hull, sophomore, infield/catcher, Mississippi State (Lex’s sister)
Emerson Aiken, sophomore, pitcher, Michigan
Lauren Derkowski, sophomore, pitcher, Michigan
Kendra Falby, sophomore, outfielder, Florida
Megan Hagge, sophomore, pitcher, Dartmouth
Pro baseball player Andy Hammond is an ambassador.
And it wasn’t just former Mojo players who believed in the message and wanted to share it; five others, including one baseball player, took it upon themselves to be ambassadors for “I Am, I Play:
Andy Hammond, pro baseball player with New York Boulders in Frontier League
Torey Hawkins, Centre College (softball) & high school/travel ball coach in Kentucky
Shelby Shanks, Wallace State alum (softball), Kentucky high school coach
Not a bad starting line-up, I mused… a talented team of individuals, no matter what they were asked (or wanted) to share with others.
The next step, naturally, was to speak to the founder of “I Am, I Play.”
*****
Taking the Message to the Masses… the Movement of Lex Hull-Muncher
Before I had a chance to reach out to Lex, I dug into her background and realized that I had covered her many moons ago at a different stage in our softball lives.
Megan Hagge, a sophomore pitcher at Dartmouth, has been proactive in promoting “I Am, I Play” on social media (see below):
A former travel ball player in the Louisville Lady Sluggers – Dobina 18U Gold team and then with the Fury 97 squad, Lex would go on to play at South Carolina from 2015 to 2017 and then transferred to Jacksonville State University where she would finish her career from 2017 to 2019.
She graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Sports Management before going on to complete her Masters in Sport Management in 2021. It was also a big year as she got married in June of last year.
Today, she’s a high school teacher and coach at White Plains High School in Anniston, Alabama, and also is a hitting and catching instructor based out of Oxford, Alabama as well as being the owner of LH Catching, for which she travels the nation doing catching clinics.
Before I could call or email, the proactive Lex excitedly reached out to me and her enthusiasm was obvious from the start in our phone conversations and back-and-forths in texts and emails.
“This movement just took off and got off the ground last month,” she began. “I Am, I Play is a movement that supports athletes to speak up and share their truth. The shirts are meant to be worn by athletes who stand by this message and are willing to start a conversation! We as athletes and coaches have the power to change this stigma about mental health.”
Who, I asked, is joining this movement to help get the word out?
“’I Am, I Play’” is a growing community of athletes, parents, and whoever wants to be a voice for this movement,” Lex responded. “The movement of helping others learn their worth inside and outside of the game they play. We are a group that gives support and supplies a safe place for those that need someone ‘I Am, I Play’ strives to help others be heard, to feel important, and push those to speak their truth.”
And then Lex added a strong caveat to what the “I Am, I Play” movement is… and isn’t.
“Our message and our platform isn’t professional help for those who need it,” she stated. “We do not diagnose those that feel ‘mentally sick.’ We do NOT try to be a doctor and we do NOT push athletes to speak publicly about their truth. We are simply a support system that acknowledges athletes who are struggling, feel broken and are seeking help.
What the platform is right now, Lexi made clear, is a two-part approach:
And two, for those who support the cause and want to share it with others, there’s a store where the shirt can be bought for $21.99 plus tax to present the emboldening statements as a testimony to those who observe them.
Every purchase of a “My Athletic Performance Does Not Define My Worth” shirt helps “fund and grow the movement in ways of building our team, our resources, and future projects,” Lex says.
Lex says her struggles during her playing days has led her to be active in promoting mental health issues.
The longtime player and coach powerfully preaches that the foundation of “I Am, I Play,” is her story, yes, but now it’s more today based on her testimony and mission to help young athletes who may suffer from what she faced in her playing days.
“Throughout my whole softball career—from little league to playing at the highest levels—I was never truly taught or even discussed how to mentally take care of myself,” she begins.
“God gave me a gift with the ability to play the game of softball and to be pretty good at what I did. I truly had no idea what ‘mental health’ even was until I stepped foot in college. I failed more than I ever did up to that point in my career.”
“I was talked to in ways that I did not know how to respond, I was expected to perform at my best at ALL times (on the field and in the classroom), I went through life-altering challenges outside of the white lines that I did not speak of as I did not want to be a burden on anyone, I was out to fend for myself every day as I lived seven hours from home and I did not know how to have balance.”
“I struggled… I mean, I really struggled and never felt so alone although I was surrounded by so many people. I never felt so vulnerable. I was 18 years old and lost because I did not know my worth outside of the game. I had no idea who I was if I was not a softball player. I was scared and I lost my faith. I did not know how to get help and was afraid of what others would say about me.”
“But by the grace of God, I found change, I finished my career with my faith being the strongest it has ever been and a voice ready to speak. Fast forward, three years later… I was lying in bed, wide awake and having the best conversations with God one day around 3:00 am in the morning. God placed this on my heart to be a voice and use my mess as my message.”
Michigan pitcher Lauren Derkowski.
Lex concludes with a bright hope and the enthusiasm that real change can be made to help others who are in the same life-threating situation she was in when she played.
“The key is having the power to start a conversation between parent and kid, coach and player, and the best one, I feel: player to player. There are so many that will say “Me too!” which will spark them to feel free to share their own truth.”
“Awareness is the first step to change. I know we together can at least move one girl to use their mess as their message. It only takes one match to start a wildfire.”
And, to drive home her point, Lexi gives me a quote from one of her ambassadors, current Michigan pitcher Lauren Derkowski.
“Being an athlete will always be something that I will associate with,” the college sophomore says. “However, it does not define me, my worth, or who I am. It is so important to understand that mental health needs to be talked about and acknowledged—no matter who you are, athlete or not, especially in today’s world.”
— Brentt Eads, Extra Inning Softball
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