The Mental Swing Attractors: Taking Out the Mental Trash

Extra Inning Softball is running a series of articles with record-setting college softball coach Mike Lotief who—after 17 years of coaching Louisiana Ragin’ Cajuns softball— reveals the training program that propelled his team to the NCAA tournament, the Women’s College World Series, and NCAA Super Regionals.

Here is the latest feature from Mike dealing with the mental side of the game (and how to be successful off the field, too).

Today he shares an article he wrote 10 years ago to share with his Ragin’ Cajuns team… he explains:

“I wrote it for a presentation to our team in the Fall 2011 after we had made it to our second WCWS in 2008, lost in the 2009 Regionals, won the 2010 Regionals but lost to UCLA in the Supers, then lost the 2011 Regionals… more and more “negative chatter” was happening about us on softball Internet forums.”

*****

If you are trying to attain excellence, then you must be in control of your own thoughts and emotions. Negative thoughts and doubts and worry are common mental obstacles, referred to as MENTAL TRASH, that every competitor must learn how to deal with.

It takes mindfulness and discipline and perspective to learn to select and choose which thoughts to focus on and which ones to THROW AWAY. CHAMPIONS CHOOSE WHAT TO FOCUS ON & WHAT TO THROW AWAY.

If you worry about WHAT OTHER PEOPLE SAY ABOUT YOU (NEGATIVE STUFF which is not constructive) or WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU (most often, commenting on an OUTCOME) or how others LABEL YOU NEGATIVELY because of pettiness and jealousy, then you will never achieve excellence.

Take out the garbage and make room for joy.

People gossip and try to mess with other people because they have SMALL MINDS and in their small minds it is much easier to trash others than facing their own demons. The small minded are much more comfortable talking behind your back because saying things face-to-face requires guts/moral courage and a genuine concern/empathy to help that person get better — but small minded people lack moral courage (guts) and empathy.

Why on earth do people talk behind others back? Those small minded people most times have shattered self-confidence themselves and waste precious moments of their life trashing others rather than investing in that person’s growth & well being.

If  you let what other people say about you in social network forums or what is written about you in a tweet affect your thinking and thus affect your performance, you need to “take out the MENTAL TRASH” and recommit yourself to the process of pursuing EXCELLENCE.

It does NOT matter what other people think or say about you – whether it is positive or negative.  In your pursuit of excellence, people are going to try and pull you down.  They will “talk trash” about you.  They will stab you in the back.  They will say unflattering things.  That’s part of it.

• Be more concerned about your pursuit of excellence.
• Be more concerned about your character (what is true) than your reputation (what people say).
• Focus on the truth rather than what somebody said on an internet chat room.
• The 6 inches between your ears is YOURS TO CONTROL — IT’S YOUR SPACE — YOU OWN IT.
• TAKE OWNERSHIP OF IT, NOW.

The reality is that very few people are truly committed to the pursuit of excellence.  You must be able to look yourself in the mirror, and you must be able to hold yourself accountable.  Every night when your head hits the pillow, you must know that you did your very best that day and that you must commit to excellence when you awake.  If you are fortunate enough to have teammates or coaches or a support structure that also are pursuing excellence and give you constructive feedback, then consider yourself fortunate.

THESE GROUPS CREATE MENTAL TRASHThere are different groups that create MENTAL TRASH:

1. the naysayers & dream stealers
2. the haters & fakers
3. gossipers & tweeters
4. the partiers & instant gratification seekers
5. the “yes” people
6. worry warts & worriers.

These types of people do NOT confront the truth nor understand the process of growth and development.

1. NAYSAYERS & DREAM STEALERS

Sometimes, you are faced with the “naysayers”; people who tell you, you CAN’T do it.  They say that you are not big enough or not fast enough or not strong enough.  They come up with all the excuses why you are not good enough to succeed.  They are trying to “steal your dreams away” by convincing you that you don’t have the talents nor the time nor the treasures to succeed.

If you are struggling to do a skill right now, then continue to practice and work at it rather than conceding that “you cannot or will never be able to be good at it”. It’s a process and part of that process is failure and adversity, BUT if you continue to grow and learn and get better day after day, the YOU WILL DO IT.

2. HATERS & FAKERS

Then there are the “haters” and “fakers” – the people who always attempt to tear you down or talk trash about you or spread mean spirited stories/rumors in an attempt to distort the truth and try to discredit your efforts.

It seems that the bitter, negative, personal tone that is so apparent now in American politics is the same tone that has engulfed sports.  There are more and more “haters” and people who feel entitled to make negative, personal, unflattering comments about players, teams, coaches and sports performances.  Put on your blinders and put in your earplugs because no matter how hard you try, you just cannot understand why some people want to hurt you by trying to make you feel bad about yourself.

Even people on your own “team” and within your own “family” can disguise themselves as friends and supporters, when in fact they are FAKERS. When they see you doing good things and enjoying the perks of success and hard work and growth, envy eats them up and they resort to gossip and rumors and lies and hate. When they resort to false labels and slander and talking behind your back, they are trying to diminish your success and drag you down. The more successful you become, remember that haters and fakers will continue to paint you in a negative light because they are unable to stand others succeed and grow. TAKE THE TRASH OUT!

3. GOSSIPERS & TWEETERS

Gossipers tell tales and spread rumors because they are jealous of your growth mindset and pursuit of excellence and because they will never invest in themselves to get better so they rather tear others down. Gossipers just sit around comparing themselves with others and their psyche gets so messed up that instead of them focusing on themselves, they project their insecurities and frustrations by trashing and lashing out on others. How sad is it that tearing down others is the main preoccupation in their life?

Real friends and leaders and teammates confront hard issues face to face not by a tweet — accountability sometimes is a hard conversation to have. Constructive criticism with PURE MOTIVES helps others you care about grow and learn and get better.  Investing in others is what true leadership is. Friends or teammates or administrators who talk behind your back are “gossipers” who rather talk trash in order to avoid dealing with their own insecurities.

4. PARTIERS

Others question WHY you do it and try to distract you from your goals – they are chasing instant gratification (partiers/the party tonight) and have no concept of the discipline and commitment it takes to pursue the long journey of excellence (delayed satisfaction, sacrifice).  Because all they care about is having fun NOW, they have no concept of what it means to invest in a long term goal.

5. YES PEOPLE

Or even worse, sometimes you are faced with “yes people”; people who tell you that you are the best when in fact, you are only “average”— false praise. These people do not hold you accountable or push you to be your best. They just continuously make statements that only look at the best interest of one individual instead of seeing the BIG PICTURE and goals of the team.  Along those lines, some of us are surrounded by support structures who allow us to have “pity parties” or who sit around and “make excuses” and “blame others” and  “whine and complain”.

6. WORRY WARTS

The worst kind of garbage that stinks up our minds is WORRY. The word “worry” in Greek means “to walk around in circles”. Some worry about things that happened years ago – we cannot change the past. And you cannot determine the future. Outcomes are not the focus in athletics; it’s about the process. Every time you worry, then go to work PREPARING. Don’t let worry mess up your preparation nor your performance by stinking up your mind. Take out the TRASH.

TAKE OUT THE TRASH & PUT SOMETHING BETTER IN

Take out the trash!  Once you take out the trash, actually put something better in, so that it takes up the space of the thrown away trash. IOW, REFRAME your mindset with the proper perspective and positive self-talk.

FEED YOUR SOUL WITH WHAT IS TRUE, HONORABLE & PURE

You need to learn what triggers your mind to go to all the wrong places – fear, doubt, worry? Separate the TRASH FROM THE TRUTH. Always look at failure or struggle as an opportunity to learn and grow.

In your mind, figure out how each experience can make you stronger – each challenge confronted and solved teaches valuable lessons that will only make you better.

Haters and naysayers want to take a snapshot of you at your worst moment or from a disappointing performance and want that label to “stick” forever, but people with a GROWTH MINDSET do not stay stuck in the past & linger in a fleeting moment nor wallow in past misery – they GET BETTER & MOVE FORWARD & continue to learn and grow.

The best way to keep the garbage out is to think of what is TRUE & HONORABLE & RIGHT & PURE & ADMIRABLE & LOVELY. Philippians 4:8-9.

If your objective is excellence then you cannot be surrounded by flawed thinkers, because eventually you will compromise your own standards too.

Make room in your life and make room in your mind for things & people that are on the journey of growth and excellence and eternal truth and who encourage you to keep learning and getting better, instead of trashing you. Invest your time in people and things that “feed your soul”.

Champions know it does not matter about the trash other say and talk about, because champions are made.  They are developed.  Find a learning environment and people interested in your growth and development.

Growth MINDSET is a “skill” and a “perspective” and a “choice”.

• Anyone can be a champion if they are committed to excellence and a GROWTH MINDSET.
• Find the right “team” that is committed to a learning environment of growth and development.
• Follow the fundamentals.
• Stick to the protocols.
• Trust the process.
• Be able to “control” your own thoughts and emotions without getting caught up in all the mental trash.
• Stay on your journey with passion & purpose and devotion & discipline.

PURSUE EXCELLENCE & WIN THE NEXT PITCH.