Reigniting the Spark: Finding Your Way Back to the Game

Reigniting the Spark: Finding Your Way Back to the Game

At some point, everyone feels lost or discouraged, even on paths they’ve always been sure of. Athletes, especially, go through times when the passion and fire fade, maybe due to injury, personal struggles, or just a mental or physical slump. Those who’ve played for years can likely remember moments when their spark dimmed.

Growing up, softball was the only place I found confidence. Off the field, I wasn’t the most confident kid, but on the field, I found my worth. Everyone says not to place your identity in your sport, but let’s be honest—who doesn’t at some point? For me, it was almost inevitable. Softball was where I found something to be passionate about, and working to get better every day gave me a sense of purpose. I loved the grind, I loved seeing progress, and I loved when my efforts paid off.

But eventually, things didn’t go my way. I wasn’t aiming for a “big hit”; I was just trying to make contact, draw a walk—anything that felt productive. After a strong season, I hit my lowest point. My confidence disappeared, my self-esteem plummeted, and I questioned everything about myself, my relationships, and my love for the game.

I reached a point where I hated softball—truly despised it. I dreamed of the day I could be done, wondered why I ever started this journey in the first place, and felt like I had become someone I didn’t recognize. And I hated that person too. I felt lost in every sense of the word, like I was playing against my will, counting down the days until I could finally walk away from it all.

“Hard work pays off” started to feel like a hollow phrase because, in my case, it didn’t seem true.

Every time I looked at the field, my mind would spiral. Anxiety before games was intense, and for the first time, I didn’t trust myself. Was it a ball or a strike? How do you track the ball? Is my swing even right? It felt like the 18 years I’d spent playing had evaporated. I couldn’t believe that thousands of dollars, countless reps, and endless hours could lead to feeling this lost.

And the worst part? I only had a few months left to play. With so little time remaining, it felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders every time I put on my uniform, like I had to fight through a battle I didn’t even want to win.

On Senior Day, I’ll never forget my dad whispering in my ear after his honorary first pitch, “Just play like you’re six years old again.” It was simple advice, but at that moment, I realized I didn’t know how to do that anymore. I’d become so consumed by fear of failure that the joy had vanished. After every mistake, I’d mentally tear myself down in ways that, if said aloud, would sound abusive.

For me, there was no fairy-tale ending. I didn’t hit the game-winning home run or make a diving catch in a big game. I struggled with my mindset, and looking back, I wish I’d handled it differently. I don’t often believe in regret, but I do think I could have approached things in a way that might have preserved my love for the game.

I’m not here to throw advice at you because everyone’s journey is different. But I will say this: sometimes, even when you’re working as hard as you can, things just don’t go your way. And that’s life, not just softball.

One word has come up over and over for me: surrender. As a Christian, this is a way of life, but the concept applies universally. We must surrender our need for control because, ultimately, control is an illusion. In softball, you can’t control the umpires, the other team, the weather, or even your coach. You can only control your own preparation. My college coach used to say, “You don’t rise to the occasion; you sink to the level of your training.” What we do in practice—how we prepare, how often we show up, and what we focus on—is in our control.

The act of surrender comes after we’ve done the work. Once you’ve prepared, all that’s left is to let go of the outcome—including the outcome of your own performance. Now, I can’t promise that this mindset will get you out of whatever slump you’re going through, and that’s the point. There’s no foolproof method, no magic potion that will fix everything. But that doesn’t mean there’s no hope—in fact, it’s the opposite.

You need to work hard, fight with everything you have, and do everything in your power to be the best athlete and person you can be. That’s a given. My perspective is for those who are already putting in that work, who are striving daily. Surrendering control doesn’t mean you’re giving up; it means you’re freeing yourself from the burden of trying to control every outcome. And that’s where the real peace comes, knowing you’ve done your best and allowing yourself to truly play, and live, with joy.

So, applying this lesson on the field might look different for everyone. It might mean releasing the pressure to be perfect, finding joy in the moment, or simply trusting yourself without needing constant validation.

It was only after leaving the game behind after graduation that I felt my love for it begin to come back. Working with young players—those little 8-year-olds picking up a bat for the first time—reminded me of the pure joy and excitement that I’d once felt. Reflecting on my journey, I can now appreciate the person I’ve become because of the lessons softball taught me, and I’m grateful for the coaches who truly empowered me to be a strong woman.

Watching the game continue to grow and seeing coaches who genuinely care about developing their players, not just as athletes but as independent, confident young women, has brought a new perspective to my life. I may not have mastered the art of surrender during my own time playing, but I hope that current players can find freedom in letting go of the need to control every outcome. I want them to fully enjoy the game, to know they’re never alone in their struggles, and to realize they’re strong enough to overcome anything.

And if you ever need a reminder, know that I’m here, always cheering you on.

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